by Genevieve Sherman
I’ve always been fascinated by the power of our thoughts and emotions. One reason I practice mindfulness is so I can experiment daily with my habits of mind, through study of the thoughts, emotions and patterns that arise each day.
Our thoughts often repeat themselves. They often turn into a story that plays on repeat in our mind. We see a yellow hat and it makes us think of Curious George the monkey, and that gets us thinking about our childhood friend Jamie, which leads to the memory of the time she said, “You’re boring and I hate you,” leading us down a rabbit hole of unworthiness and self-doubt. The yellow hat isn’t the only sight that makes us come back to that feeling; often there are many other subconscious triggers to that familiar place of self-doubt. Maybe you can relate to this pattern? Perhaps as you read this you can think of one of your own.
Most of the time we let thoughts carry on until we find ourselves stuck in a maze of emotions unrelated to the present, not sure how we got there. However, if you take the time to be still and notice how your thoughts are connecting, you’ll start to see the recurring patterns. You might even notice how a thought can quickly escalate into an emotional response. The practice of observing our own habits of mind helps us to gain insight into how we see ourselves and the world, thus helping us learn to control our responses and interactions.
I like to relate my thought patterns to a kaleidoscope, with each shape a thought or belief. All the shapes come together and connect to create a symmetrical design. This beautiful but complex design can change and shift with one small turn. The mirrors in the kaleidoscope distort reality, just like our frame of reference at times. I might be looking at a computer screen, but through my kaleidoscope it looks like a never-ending stream of emails. What we see gets filtered through our kaleidoscope and what we feel is based on that frame of reference. One person may see beauty, another chaos.
But is this frame of reference created by us or something else? Often our perception of ourselves is built on how others respond to us, and the mirrors in the kaleidoscope form based on how others see us. However, that is not a solid foundation to form a sense of wholeness within ourselves. It is merely a perception, muddied by the viewer’s feelings, thoughts and frame of reference.
How do we escape letting the world tell us who we are? We must first observe our patterns of mind to see the mirrors in our kaleidoscope. Watch how the mirrors formed over time are creating our frame of reference. We then get a chance to realize how our thoughts and feelings are forming our opinions. We may find they are not based in fact, but only in perception.
How do you perceive yourself? How do you see the world outside you? Why do you think you feel this way? There is insight in the mere act of inquiry, and there is no good or bad answer.
Practices in self-awareness help us see our frame of reference and how it was formed. Awareness helps show us how we are viewing ourselves and the world around us. So many of us are living on autopilot, or perhaps following the map on our phone, when in fact we know the way. Maybe we know a better route but we're stuck in an old pattern. We are doing ourselves and the world a disservice by not being fully awake in our own lives. Self-awareness is a radical practice in coming back to ourselves.
It’s such a gift to understand how we see ourselves in this world; only then might we be able to start deciding how we would like to expand, shift or grow. This can create a radical connection between our minds, our emotions, and our intentions.
Practicing self-awareness allows us the opportunity to choose and redesign how the mirrors in our kaleidoscope are arranged. We can adjust them to see more opportunity, more beauty, and more truth.